Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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