Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
