you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize