somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
