Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
