Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
