omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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