I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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