it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
