I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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