There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
