i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize