once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
