who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
