He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize