Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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