people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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