i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
