I wish I could punch you in the face.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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