I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize