I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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