Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
