When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
