i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
