16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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