I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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