It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
