I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
