so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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