youre lurking in front of me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize