Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
