I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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