There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
