He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
