I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
