I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Randomize
