tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
