Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
