I looked at my own cervix.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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