dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
