Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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