Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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