If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
