Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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