forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
