She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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