What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
