Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
