if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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