Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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