Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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