Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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