can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
