dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize