Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We had to coat check the pizza.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
