So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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