Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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