Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
