I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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