Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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