she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
