Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
