she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
