omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
