New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
