it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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