He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
