yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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