we're blogging at a bar
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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