Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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