Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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