I cockslap morals
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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