Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
