I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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