I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
