I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize