my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
