My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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