I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
