So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
