So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
