please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm like, not good at living.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize