put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
