somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
