I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
