Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
