1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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