I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
