i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
