you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
