I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ladies don't puke and tell
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
