So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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