I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
