A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
People in love make me want to vomit
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
