well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
