JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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