ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
