I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize