Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
