somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize