PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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