We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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