I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
