Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize