Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize