My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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