Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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