Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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