Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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