My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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