My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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