he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
