I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He better not be in your backpack
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
