Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize