I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
