the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
