she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize