Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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