Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
