using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
