I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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